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• Life is like a penis: when it's soft you can't beat it, and when it's hard you get fucked.
• Why am I so soft in the middle when the rest of my life is so hard? -- Paul Simo
• When you are working hard, get up and retch every so often.
• Committee work is like a soft chair - easy to get into but hard to get out of.
• Your penis is small, when your girlfriend feeds you hot dog helper.
• There's a lesson that I need to remember When everything is falling apart In life
  just like in loving There's such a thing as trying to hard You've gotta sing Like you don't need the money Love like you'll never get hurt You've gotta dance Like nobody's watching It's gotta come from the heart If you want it to work....
• Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep. -- Fran Lebowitz
• Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep." -- Fran Lebowitz