Barber's Laws of Backpacking
1) The integral of the gravitational potential taken
around any loop trail you choose to hike always comes
out positive.
2) Any stone in your boot always migrates against the
pressure gradient to exactly the point of most
pressure.
3) The weight of your pack increases in direct
proportion to the amount of food you consume from it.
If you run out of food, the pack weight goes on
increasing anyway.
4) The number of stones in your boot is directly
proportional to the number of hours you have been on
the trail.
5) The difficulty of finding any given trail marker is
directly proportional to the importance of the
consequences of failing
to find it.
6) The size of each of the stones in your boot is
directly proportional to the number of hours you have
been on the trail.
7) The remaining distance to your chosen campsite
remains constant as twilight approaches.
8) The net weight of your boots is proportional to the
cube of the number of hours you have been on the
trail.
9) When you arrive at your chosen campsite, it is full.
10) If you take your boots off, you'll never get them
back on again.
11) The local density of mosquitos is inversely
proportional to your remaining repellent.
