Related:

• Last week a cop stopped me in my car. He asked me if I had a police record.
  I said, no, but I have the new DEVO album. Cops have no sense of humor....
• Last week a cop stopped me in my car. He asked me if I had a police record.
  I said, no, but I have the new DEVO album. Cops have no sense of humor....
• I went to the doctor last week. He told me to take all my clothes off.
  Then he said, "You'll have to diet." I said, "What color?" -- Ken Dodd...
• I was asked if I would feed my neighbor's dog while they went on vacation.
  Innocently enough I said I would do it. I had no idea that cats were so darned hard to catch....
• My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers.
  He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was....
• I phoned my dad to tell him I had stopped smoking. He called me a quitter. -- Steven Pearl
• I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.
  -- Shirley Temple...