Related:

• The woman hurried home from her doctor's appointment, devastated by the medical report she had just received.
  When her husband came in from work, she told him, "Darling, the doctor said I have only twelve more hours to live....
• The third week of vacation is far more enjoyable, if your wife thinks you only had a two week vacation.
• Not only do you want it to back up automagically, you want it to beep every 1 second while doing so?
  -- Dan to management at 2:13 AM...
• Have you ever wondered what makes Californians so calm?
  Besides drugs, I mean. The answer is hot tubs. A hot tub is a redwood container filled with water that you sit in naked with members of the opposite sex, none of whom is necessarily your spouse....
• Have you ever wondered what makes Californians so calm?
  Besides drugs, I mean. The answer is hot tubs. A hot tub is a redwood container filled with water that you sit in naked with members of the opposite sex, none of whom is necessarily your spouse....
• If I Only Had A Brain":) I might be in the shower, I might be gone for hours, I can't come to the phone.
  So, please leave your name and number, If I miss you it'd be a bummer, Leave your message at the tone....
• It always does seem to me that I am doing more work than I should do.
  It is not that I object to the work, mind you; I like work...
• Whose sore task Does not divide the Sunday from the week.
  -- William Shakespeare (1564-1616), Hamlet -- Act i, Sc. 1...