Related:

• I went to a garage sale. How much for the garage? It's not for sale. -- Steven Wrigh
• I moved into an all-electric house. I forgot and left the porch light on all day.
  When I got home the front door wouldn't open. -- Steven Wrigh...
• I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door.
  I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours....
• I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident.
  I hit a bookmark. -- Steven Wrigh...
• I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
  -- Steven Wrigh...
• Call my cat? No, I just run the can opener.
• Today I met with a subliminal advertising executive for just a second. -- Steven Wrigh
• Daddy, hand me the garage door mouse. -- a four-year-old daughter trying to reach the garage door opener.
  (after using too much "educational" software)....
• I bought a house, on a one-way dead-end road. I don't know how I got there. -- Steven Wrigh