Related:

• Can you remember when you didn't want to sleep? Isn't it inconceivable?
  I guess the definition of adulthood is that you want to sleep ....
• I don't have a bank account, because I don't know my mother's maiden name. -- Paula Poundstone
• I have short-term memory loss, though I like to think of it as Presidential eligibility.
  -- Paula Poundstone...
• Marge: Lisa! Get away from that jazz man! Lisa: But Mom!
  Can I stay a little longer? Can I Mom, can I? Marge...
• Inconstitencies of opinion which may arise from time to time due to contingencies which may not be anticipated are often justifiable except when you do them
  ince for you, consistency requires that you be as dumb today as you were yesterday and the day before that....
• 8) "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat.
  I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim." --Paula Poundstone...
• Bart: So...you're one of those "Don't call me a chick" chicks, huh?
  Lisa: Ehh, sorry about my unenlightened brother....
• When my mom got really mad, she would say, "Your butt is my meat.
  Not a particularly attractive phrase. And I always wondered, "Now, what wine goes with that?...
• I know one committee I don't want -- Judiciary. They are going to be dealing with all those issues like abortion, bussing, voting rights, prayers.
  I'm not interested in those issues and I want to stay as far away from them as I can....