Related:

• Now, folks, all I know is what little news I read every day in the paper.
  I see where another wife out on Long Island in New York shot her husband....
• I have been asked to put something in here that touches us all.
  While my intentions may be the very best, it is quite unfortunate that I know next to nothing about toilet paper....
• Marge: [reading the paper] Mmm. It says Freddy Quimby beat a waiter half to death!
  Those Quimby children are so wild and rich, I hope he finally gets what's coming to him....
• Should women sports reporters be allowed in the men's locker rooms after the game?
  I say yes! Let 'em in! They're women, but they're sports reporters and they're doing their jobs, and they should be allowed in....
• Bart: Mom, what if there's a really bad crummy guy who's going to jail but I know he's innocent?
  Marge: Well, Bart, your uncle Arthur used to have a saying...
• Before reaching the age of 30, you will have experienced the joy of spraining an ankle, the wonder of unemployment, the thrill of partial hair loss and the ecstasy of unrequited love.
• You should have thought of all this before you were born. -- N.F. Simpso
• Bart: [plaintive] Are you there, God? It's me, Bart Simpson.
  I know I never paid too much attention in church, but I could really use some of that good stuff now....
• Besides the device, the box should contain: * Eight little rectangular snippets of paper that say "WARNING" * A plastic packet containing four 5/17 inch pilfer grommets and two club-ended 6/93 inch boxcar prawns.
  YOU WILL NEED TO SUPPLY: a matrix wrench and 60,000 feet of tram cable....