Related:

• Marge: I knew this would happen. I put you on the jury and you vote for the stupidest film.
  Homer: I have every right to be on that jury, even though I got there because I'm sleeping with the head of the festival....
• I have read your article, Mr. Johnson, and I am no wiser now than when I started.
  "Possibly not, Sir, but far better informed....
• I only wish that I were what I was when I wished that I would be what I am now.
• I'm going to die". (...) "I shall manage. Don't you worry about me," Jack said between clenched teeth.
  Joy shook her head. "I think it can be better than that....
• When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me.
  ' -- Erma Bombeck...
• An elderly man stands in line for hours at a Warsaw meat store (meat is severely rationed).
  When the butcher comes out at the end of the day and announces that there is no meat left, the man flies into a rage....
• I would rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
• If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied harder. -- Pope John Paul I