Related:

• Mistress: Something between a mister and a mattress. -- The Duke of Paducah (Whitey Ford)
• Whiskey and women'll kill you. I know. They killed my brother.
  He couldn't get either one so he just laid down and died. -- The Duke of Paducah (Whitey Ford)...
• The more I see of men the less I like them; if I could but say so of women too, all would be well.
• Kent: Mr. Simpson, how do you respond to the charges that petty vandalism such as graffiti is down eighty percent, while heavy sack-beatings are up a shocking nine hundred percent?
  Homer: Aw, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent....
• If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have to say.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• A retired dentist who loves to fish. "Open wide," he mutters to the unseen fish as he waits for a tug on the line.
  Now bite down. This may sting just a little bit....
• I like trees because they seem more resigned to the way they have to live than other things do.
  -- Willa Cathe...
• Dear Ms. Postnews: I couldn't get mail through to somebody on another site.
  What should I do? -- Eager Beaver Dear Eage...
• A sheet of paper crossed my desk the other day and as I read it, realization of a basic truth came over me.
  So simple! So obvious we couldn't see it. John Knivlen, Chairman of Polamar Repeater Club, an amateur radio group, had discovered how IC circuits work....