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• Adam was the only man who, when he said a good thing, knew that nobody had said it before him.
  -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)...
• A woman went into a hospital one day to give birth.
  Afterwards, the doctor came to her and said, "I have some....
• Ned: I don't like the service at the post office. You know, it's all "rush rush!
  get'cha in, get'cha out!" Then they've got those machines in the lobby, they're even faster, no help there....
• After his legs had been broken in an accident, Mr. Miller sued for damages, claming that he was crippled and would have to spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair.
  Although the insurance-company doctor testified that his bones had healed properly and that he was fully capable of walking, the judge decided for the plaintiff and awarded him $...
• I have examined Bogota," he said, "and the case is clearer to me.
  I think very probably he might be cured." "That is what I have always hoped," said old Yacob....
• Harry constantly irritated his friends with his eternal optimism.
  No matter how bad the situation, he would always say, "Well, it could have been worse....
• In a museum in Havana, there are two skulls of Christopher Columbus, one when he was a boy and one when he was a man.
  -- Mark Twai...