Related:

• A father gave his teen-age daughter an untrained pedigreed pup for her birthday.
  An hour later, when wandered through the house, he found her looking at a puddle in the center of the kitchen....
• Once upon a time there was a beautiful young girl taking a stroll through the woods.
  All at once she saw an extremely ugly bull frog seated on a log and to her amazement the frog spoke to her....
• Alex came home from a business trip to Chicago and found no one home but his daughter Rose, who was crying bitterly.
  "What's the matter, darling?" asked Alex. "Mommy almost died last night," sobbed Rose....
• Lisa: [tired] Here you go, Bart. It's a longshot, but that's all I can do without learning ancient Hebrew.
  Bart: [stares at her] Lisa: Bart! I am <not> going to learn ancient Hebrew!...
• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• A Southern boy graduates from high school heads north to college, taking the family dog, Old Blue with him, for company.
  He's only been there a few weeks when he gets a call from his girlfriend...
• I told her, "Like (*&^%$# you are!
• To heck with marrying a girl who makes biscuits like her mother -- I want to marry one who makes dough like her father.
• Mr. Geller: Honey, relationships are hard. Like with your Mom and me.
  You know after we graduated college we broke up for a while....