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• Real programmers don't document; if it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.
• Say the secret word and win $100. -- Groucho Marx
• How many IBM tech writers -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  100. Ten to do it, and 90 to write document number GC7500439-0001, Multitasking Incandescent Source System Facility, of which 10 percent of the pages state only "This page intentionally left blank", and 20 percent of the definitions are of the form "A ....
• Q: How many IBM types does it take to change a light bulb?
  A: 100. Ten to do it, and 90 to write document number GC7500439-0001, Multitasking Incandescent Source System Facility, of which 10% of the pages state only "This page intentionally left blank", and 20% of the definitions are of the form "A ....
• Every important document you write will contain at least one egregious typographical error.
  The more pubic the document, the more embarrassing the error....
• Only painters and lawyers can change white to black.
• Hi, this is Ed. I'm secretly replacing Faisal and Bob with dark sparkling Folger's Crystals.
  Leave your name, number, and a brief message and they'll call you back when they're nice and percolated....
• Clippit Charged With Attempted Murder Microsoft's Dancing Paper Clip turned violent last week and nearly killed a university student testing a new Windows-based human-computer interface.
  The victim is expected to make a full recovery, although psychiatrists warn that the incident may scar him emotionally for life....