Related:

• Reporter, n.: A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a tempest of words.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• ABSENT, adj. Peculiarly exposed to the tooth of detractio
  vilifed; hopelessly in the wrong; superseded in the consideration and affection of another....
• OBSOLETE, adj. No longer used by the timid. Said chiefly of words.
  A word which some lexicographer has marked obsolete is ever thereafter an object of dread and loathing to the fool writer, but if it is a good word and has no exact modern equivalent equally good, it is good enough for the good writer....
• SOPHISTRY, n. The controversial method of an opponent, distinguished from one's own by superior insincerity and fooling.
  This method is that of the later Sophists, a Grecian sect of philosophers who began by teaching wisdom, prudence, science, art and, in brief, whatever men ought to know, but lost themselves in a maze of quibbles and a fog of words....
• ELECTOR, n. One who enjoys the sacred privilege of voting for the man of another man's choice.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• The three most painful words to any man: "Is it in?
• PRECIPITATE, adj. Anteprandial. Precipitate in all, this sinner Took action first, and then his dinner.
• INCOMPOSSIBLE, adj. Unable to exist if something else exists.
  Two things are incompossible when the world of being has scope enough for one of them, but not enough for both -- as Walt Whitman's poetry and God's mercy to man....