Related:

• This morning there was ice on the pipes in my apartment.
  But the landlord fixed it. He put antifreeze in the radiator. -- Herb Shrine...
• I was a tiny baby when I was born. Really tiny. I was breast-fed intravenously.
  I had to have a special nurse 'cause I was so little....
• in the operating room, the power flickers] Nurse: Doctor, you weren't supposed to remove his gall bladder.
  Doctor: Put it back! Put it back! -- It was like that when I got here! "(Lurleen on Me)...
• Jasper: Why bother voting? He's guilty. Flanders: Well, we might as well make it official.
  Homer: What does "sequestered" mean? Skinner: If the jury is deadlocked they're put up in a hotel together so they can't communicate with the outside world....
• As my good friend Al Capp told me a few years ago, the best thing to do with a confirmed [hotel] reservation slip when you have no room is to spread it out on the sidewalk in front of the hotel and go to sleep on it.
  You'll either embarrass the hotel into giving you a room or you'll be hauled off to the local jug, where at least you'll have a roof over your head....
• Wow, some lady walked into my room, picked me up, and put her breast in my mouth.
  I liked it! -- A baby boys first tangeable though...
• I made quite a name for myself back home. I left when I found out what it was. -- Herb Shrine
• They're not calling it the stock market any longer.
  It's the stuck market. When a man walks into a hotel and requests a room on the ninth floor, the clerk asks, "For sleeping or for jumping?...
• For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier.
  .. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out... -- Stephen Wrigh...