Related:

• My girlfriend said I never listen to her, or something.
• She said I should think of her like a sister. I said I did, but not my sister.
• Milhouse: Bart, my mom won't let me be your friend any more.
  That's why you couldn't come to the party....
• My wife thinks I'm too nosy. At least that's what she keeps scribbling in her diary.
  -- Drake Sathe...
• Phoebe: I don't know how to say this, but I think when your wife's spirit left her body, it um, kind of stuck around in me.
  Mr. Adelman: You're saying, my wife is in you? Phoebe...
• A man asked a private detective to follow his wife.
  After several days, the private detective came back with his findings....
• One day I got on the usual bus, and when I stepped in, I saw the most gorgeous blond Chinese girl.
  ..I sat beside her. I said, "Hi," and she said, "Hi," and then I said, "Nice day, isn't it?...
• Here lies my wife: her let her lie! Now she's at rest, and so am I.
  -- John Dryden, epitaph intended for his wife...
• I was walking down Madison Avenue and I saw a very good-looking tie in a shop window.
  So I went in. Before I could say anything the manager said, "Oh, Tony Randall!...