Related:

• Getting married is a serious matter for a girl; not getting married is even more serious.
• The following appeared in a memorandum from the president of Mira Vista College to the college's board of trustees.
  "At nearby Green Mountain College, which has more business courses and more job counselors than does Mira Vista College, 90 percent of last year's graduating seniors had job offers from prospective employers....
• I would be batting the big feller if they wasn't ready with the other one
  but a left-hander would be the thing if they wouldn't have knowed it already because there is more things involved than could come up on the road, even after we've been home a long while....
• Brodka: Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Simpson? This is detective Don Brodka from Try-N-Save security.
  That's right, Don Brodka. Your son Bart has been caught shoplifting....
• Homer: Marge, could we go in the other room? I did something last night I'm not proud of, and I don't want the kids to hear it.
  Bart: Busted! Homer: [in the other room, explaining] I'll work from midnight to eight, come home, sleep for five minutes, eat breakfast, sleep six more minutes, shower, then I have ten minutes to bask in Lisa's love, then I'm off to the power plant, fresh as a daisy....
• I'm not at home today, and I might not be home tomorrow.
  So please leave a message after the tone. I didn't take a shower today, and I might not take one tomorrow....
• How many American college football players -- does it take to change a light bulb?
  Just one, but he gets 3 hours of credit for it. (or the Heisman, if Barry Switzer can get enough Alumni support for it) Note...
• I've only got one nerve left, and you're getting on i
• Bus schedules are arranged so your bus will arrive at the transfer point precisely one minute after the connecting bus has left.
  -- John Corcora...