Related:

• Are you a parent? Do you sometimes find yourself unsure as to what to say in those awkward situations?
  Worry no more... Do as I say, not as I do. Do me a favour and don't tell me about it....
• Everybody but Sam had signed up for a new company pension plan that called for a small employee contribution.
  The company was paying all the rest. Unfortunately, 100% employee participation was needed...
• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• I remember that one fateful day when Coach took me aside.
  I knew what was coming. "You don't have to tell me," I said....
• Marge: Homer, I really don't like you telling personal secrets in your class.
  Homer: Marge, I didn't tell 'em personal stuff. Marge...
• The stop sign which caused this action appeared there recently and was new to me.
  It cause me great alarm and when I am watching its pole, I note the sign is too low for the car, which is why it destroy the windshield....
• Bart: [sleepy] Hello? Bruno: Right! I'm calling all the way from Squatter's Crog, Australia and I want to speak to, er, Dr.
  Bart Simpson right now. Bart: Uh...[plugs nose] hold, please....
• Bart: Hmm. Maybe if I stand next to the games looking sad, someone will feel sorry for me and buy me one.
  [goes inside, puts hand through hole in display case window and holds a copy of Bonestorm] [his arm gets crushed by an employee opening the case] Woma...
• HAGGIS A Scottish dish made of the heart, lungs, and liver of a sheep, chopped up with suet, onions, oatmeal etc, seasoned and boiled in a sheep's stomach-bag or substitute.
  I think I'm going to be sick. Have you ever considered the argument that vomit is a lifeform in itself, subject to the same foibles as the rest of lifekind?...