Related:

• LITIGANT, n. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• PRIVATE, n. A military gentleman with a field-marshal's baton in his knapsack and an impediment in his hope.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• HERS, pron. His. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary
• CONVERSATION, n. A fair to the display of the minor mental commodities, each exhibitor being too intent upon the arrangement of his own wares to observe those of his neighbor.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• HOPE, n. Desire and expectation rolled into one. Delicious Hope!
  when naught to man it left -- Of fortune destitute, of friends beref...
• PIETY, n. Reverence for the Supreme Being, based upon His supposed resemblance to man.
  The pig is taught by sermons and epistles To think the God of Swine has snout and bristles....
• ARTLESSNESS, n. A certain engaging quality to which women attain by long study and severe practice upon the admiring male, who is pleased to fancy it resembles the candid simplicity of his young.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• AGITATOR, n. A statesman who shakes the fruit trees of his neighbors -- to dislodge the worms.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• ALDERMAN, n. An ingenious criminal who covers his secret thieving with a pretence of open marauding.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...