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• When people say that the desert is lifeless, it just makes me want to grab them by the collar and yell, "Why you stupid, stupid bastard!
  Then I drive them out into the desert to where the circus is, and point out the many forms of zebra and clown life....
• Usually, terrible things that are done with the excuse that progress requires them are not really progress at all, but just terrible things.
  -- Russell Bake...
• New York's got the ways and means, just won't let you be.
• Everyone is a genius. It's just that some people are too stupid to realize it.
• The I.R.S. must like poor people, it makes a lot of them.
• There are no stupid questions, just stupid answers.
• One of the quickest ways to meet new people is to pick up the wrong golf ball on a golf course.