Related:

• Bride, n.: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• Ah, happy hills! ah, pleasing shade! Ah, fields beloved in vain!
  Where once my careless childhood stray'd, A stranger yet to pain!...
• BEHAVIOR, n. Conduct, as determined, not by principle, but by breeding.
  The word seems to be somewhat loosely used in Dr....
• Though every prospect pleases, And only man is vile.
  -- Reginald Heber (1783-1826) -- Missionary Hym...
• Charity: a thing that begins at home and usually stays there.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• ABNORMAL, adj. Not conforming to standard. In matters of thought and conduct, to be independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to be detested.
  Wherefore the lexicographer adviseth a striving toward the straiter [sic] resemblance of the Average Man than he hath to himself....
• Blow it out your ear.