Related:

• EPAULET, n. An ornamented badge, serving to distinguish a military officer from the enemy -- that is to say, from the officer of lower rank to whom his death would give promotion.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• LAUREATE, adj. Crowned with leaves of the laurel. In England the Poet Laureate is an officer of the sovereign's cou
  acting as dancing skeleton at every royal feast and singing-mute at every royal funeral....
• PREFERENCE, n. A sentiment, or frame of mind, induced by the erroneous belief that one thing is better than another.
  An ancient philosopher, expounding his conviction that life is no better than death, was asked by a disciple why, then, he did not die....
• ERUDITION, n. Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.
  So wide his erudition's mighty span, He knew Creation's origin and plan And only came by accident to grief -- He thought, poor man, 'twas right to be a thief....
• RESIGN, v.t. To renounce an honor for an advantage.
  To renounce an advantage for a greater advantage....
• BONDSMAN, n. A fool who, having property of his own, undertakes to become responsible for that entrusted to another to a third.
  Philippe of Orleans wishing to appoint one of his favorites, a dissolute nobleman, to a high office, asked him what security he would be able to give....
• URBANITY, n. The kind of civility that urban observers ascribe to dwellers in all cities but New York.
  Its commonest expression is heard in the words, "I beg your pardon," and it is not consistent with disregard of the rights of others....
• COURT FOOL, n. The plaintiff. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary
• PROBOSCIS, n. The rudimentary organ of an elephant which serves him in place of the knife-and-fork that Evolution has as yet denied him.
  For purposes of humor it is popularly called a trunk....