RELIQUARY, N. A Receptacle For Such Sacred Objects As Pieces Of The True Cross, Short-ribs Of The Saints, The Ears Of Balaam's Ass, The Lung Of The Cock That Called Peter To Repentance And So Forth.

RELIQUARY, N. A Receptacle For Such Sacred Objects As Pieces Of The True Cross, Short-ribs Of The Saints, The Ears Of Balaam's Ass, The Lung Of The Cock That Called Peter To Repentance And So Forth.

Home › Fortune Cookies › Miscellaneous Collections

RELIQUARY, n. A receptacle for such sacred objects as pieces of the
true cross, short-ribs of the saints, the ears of Balaam's ass, the
lung of the cock that called Peter to repentance and so forth.
Reliquaries are commonly of metal, and provided with a lock to prevent
the contents from coming out and performing miracles at unseasonable
times. A feather from the wing of the Angel of the Annunciation once
escaped during a sermon in Saint Peter's and so tickled the noses of
the congregation that they woke and sneezed with great vehemence three
times each. It is related in the "Gesta Sanctorum" that a sacristan
in the Canterbury cathedral surprised the head of Saint Dennis in the
library. Reprimanded by its stern custodian, it explained that it was
seeking a body of doctrine. This unseemly levity so raged the
diocesan that the offender was publicly anathematized, thrown into the
Stour and replaced by another head of Saint Dennis, brought from Rome.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

Related:

Mythology, n.: The body of a primitive people's beliefs concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
mythology, n: The body of a primitive people's beliefs, concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
ADDER, n. A species of snake. So called from its habit of adding funeral outlays to the other expenses of living.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
HALO, n. Properly, a luminous ring encircling an astronomical body
but not infrequently confounded with "aureola," or "nimbus," a somewhat similar phenomenon worn as a head-dress by divinities and saints....
ASS, n. A public singer with a good voice but no ear.
In Virginia City, Nevada, he is called the Washoe Canary, in Dakota, the Senator, and everywhere the Donkey....
MUMMY, n. An ancient Egyptian, formerly in universal use among modern civilized nations as medicine, and now engaged in supplying art with an excellent pigment.
He is handy, too, in museums in gratifying the vulgar curiosity that serves to distinguish man from the lower animals....
DIARY, n. A daily record of that part of one's life, which he can relate to himself without blushing.
Hearst kept a diary wherein were writ All that he had of wisdom and of wit....