Related:

• WHEAT, n. A cereal from which a tolerably good whisky can with some difficulty be made, and which is used also for bread.
  The French are said to eat more bread _per capita_ of population than any other people, which is natural, for only they know how to make the stuff palatable....
• EFFECT, n. The second of two phenomena which always occur together in the same order.
  The first, called a Cause, is said to generate the other -- which is no more sensible than it would be for one who has never seen a dog except in the pursuit of a rabbit to declare the rabbit the cause of a dog....
• LINEN, n. "A kind of cloth the making of which, when made of hemp, entails a great waste of hemp.
  Calcraft the Hangman. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• DISCRIMINATE, v.i. To note the particulars in which one person or thing is, if possible, more objectionable than another.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• ASS, n. A public singer with a good voice but no ear.
  In Virginia City, Nevada, he is called the Washoe Canary, in Dakota, the Senator, and everywhere the Donkey....
• PROOF, n. Evidence having a shade more of plausibility than of unlikelihood.
  The testimony of two credible witnesses as opposed to that of only one....
• REPARATION, n. Satisfaction that is made for a wrong and deducted from the satisfaction felt in committing it.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• PIGMY, n. One of a tribe of very small men found by ancient travelers in many parts of the world, but by modern in Central Africa only.
  The Pigmies are so called to distinguish them from the bulkier Caucasians -- who are Hogmies....
• PHOTOGRAPH, n. A picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.
  It is a little better than the work of an Apache, but not quite so good as that of a Cheyenne....