Related:

• CARNIVOROUS, adj. Addicted to the cruelty of devouring the timorous vegetarian, his heirs and assigns.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• TURKEY, n. A large bird whose flesh when eaten on certain religious anniversaries has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude.
  Incidentally, it is pretty good eating. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• LINEN, n. "A kind of cloth the making of which, when made of hemp, entails a great waste of hemp.
  Calcraft the Hangman. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• IMPALE, v.t. In popular usage to pierce with any weapon which remains fixed in the wound.
  This, however, is inaccurate; to imaple is, properly, to put to death by thrusting an upright sharp stake into the body, the victim being left in a sitting position....
• Labor, n.: One of the processes by which A acquires property for B.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• FEAST, n. A festival. A religious celebration usually signalized by gluttony and drunkenness, frequently in honor of some holy person distinguished for abstemiousness.
  In the Roman Catholic Church feasts are "movable" and "immovable," but the celebrants are uniformly immovable until they are full....
• Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...