Related:

• Dear Ms. Postnews: I couldn't get mail through to somebody on another site.
  What should I do? -- Eager Beaver Dear Eage...
• Bob: Ahh, Westminster Abbey. Edward the Confessor himself could not have done better.
  Now to set the clocks to Greenwich Mean Time....
• The Least Perceptive Literary Critic The most important critic in our field of study is Lord Halifax.
  A most individual judge of poetry, he once invited Alexander Pope round to give a public reading of his latest poem....
• Lou: You know, the funniest thing though; it's the little differences.
  Wiggum: Example. Lou: Well, at McDonald's you can buy a Krusty Burger with cheese, right?...
• The Princess Bride "Inconceivable!" "You use that word a lot.
  I do not think it means what you think it does....
• After his legs had been broken in an accident, Mr. Miller sued for damages, claming that he was crippled and would have to spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair.
  Although the insurance-company doctor testified that his bones had healed properly and that he was fully capable of walking, the judge decided for the plaintiff and awarded him $...
• American culture is based on the automobile, and any young man of promise is going to own one and want to travel great distances in it.
  Consequently, any young woman of aspiration should expect to spend most of her vacations in a car, probing into unfamiliar corners....
• If I can't give my brave boys a kind word and a big smile, what _can_ I give them?
  Well, one or two ideas do suggest themselves, but you'd probably think they were unhygienic....
• Bart: Lisa, will you keep it down? I'm making a crank phone call to Principal Skinner.
  Skinner: [on phone] Well, as a matter of fact, my refrigerator _wasn't_ running....