Related:

• They are the abstract and brief chronicles of the time
  after your death you were better have a bad epitaph than their ill report while you live....
• You know what we can be like: See a guy and think he's cute one minute, the next minute our brains have us married with kids, the following minute we see him having an extramarital affair.
  By the time someone says "I'd like you to meet Cecil," we shout, "You're late again with the child support!...
• Nasrudin walked into a shop one day, and the owner came forward to serve him.
  Nasrudin said, First things first. Did you see me walk into your shop?...
• You have prepared a proposal for your supervisor. The success of this proposal will mean increasing your salary 20%.
  In the middle of your proposal your supervisor leans over to look at your report and spits into your coffee....
• Puns are little plays on words that a certain breed of person loves to spring on you and then look at you in a certain self-satisfied way to indicate that he thinks that you must think that he is by far the cleverest person on Earth now that Benjamin Franklin is dead
  when in fact what you are thinking is that if this person ever ends up in a lifeboat, the other passengers will hurl him overboard by the end of the first day even if they have plenty of food and water....