Related:

• Hello, this is Death. I am not in right now, but if you leave your name and number, I'll be right with you.
  -- Answering machine madness - authority figure...
• Steve has been captured by a flying saucer and can't come to the phone right now, but if you leave your name, phone number, and a message, I'll have him call you back as soon as he gets away.
  Read all about it in next week's National Enquirer....
• We're not home now. Leave your name and number and we'll call you back as soon as you are a vegetarian.
  (Replace "vegetarian" with prejudice of your choice....
• Hello, epicenter of the Universe, God speaking. If you leave your name, number, and prayer after the tone, I will call you back as soon as I can.
  Please note that I answer all prayers, but sometimes the answer is NO....
• You have reached the Strategic Air Command Nuclear Missile Storage Facility.
  We are unable to come to the phone right now. At the tone, please leave your name, number, and target or list of targets, and we'll launch as soon as we can....
• Annoying flute music in background:) Good day, Jim.
  Your contact, Linda, is not available right now....
• Imitating Mr. Rogers:) Hello. I'm in the Neighborhood of Make Believe right now, so I can't come to the phone.
  Can you leave your name and number when you hear the sound of the tone?...
• A friend was at a mutual friend's sister's house, and when she went out for beer, he changed her answering machine message.
  In a loud, deep, gravelly, horror-film voice he recorded...
• Hi, dudes, this is 229-3053, the Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles' secret underground hideaway.
  I'm afraid we're all out just now on a desperate mission to save the Planet from boring answering machine messages, but if you know what The Shredder has done to April O'Neill, or if you know where he is, or if you can think of a decent pizza recipe, just leave your name and number and we'll ring you right back....