Related:

• I'm sitting in a bar, having a drink. Over here is a man having a drink.
  He falls down three times. I pick him up each time....
• Little kids are tough. I saw a little kid, I gave him an orange.
  His mother said, "What do you say to the man?" The kid looked at me and said, "Peel it....
• You're aware the boy failed my grade school math class, I take it?
  And not that many years later he's teaching college....
• How many graduate students -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  I don't know, but make my stipend tax-free, give my advisor a $...
• It is not a man's duty, as a matter of course, to devote himself to the eradication of any, even the most enormous wrong
  he may still properly have other concerns to engage him...
• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• Krusty: Ah, there's nothing better than a cigarette.
  ..unless it's a cigarette lit with a $100 bill!...
• A New Yorker was driving through Berkeley when he saw a big crowd gathered by the side of the street.
  Curiousity got the better of him and he leaned out of his window to ask an onlooker what was going on....
• When a man comes to me for advice, I find out the kind of advice he wants, and I give it to him.
  -- Josh Billing...