Related:

• Two rather dumb teams were playing one another in football.
  The visiting team heard the ref's whistle and thought it was the sign that the game had ended, whereupon the team left the field....
• You Heard It Here Department: Pete Rose is opening a new motel chain, The Wager Inn.
• The following appeared in an editorial in the Mason City newspaper.
  "At present, Mason City residents seldom use the nearby Mason River for any kind of recreational activity, even though surveys of the region's residents consistently rank water sports (swimming, fishing, and boating) as a favorite form of recreation....
• PRO: You won't be around to get bothered by kids in a nursing home.
  CON: You can't go to your local nursing home and bother the old people....
• I had no desire to be involved in the music busine
  but I saw that Jerry Brandt, who was the head of the music department at William Morris, had a limousine, and he was hanging out with Mick Jagger....
• Marge: Lisa, if you ever want to quit and come home, I'll be here in half a jiff.
  Bart: [poking his head into frame] I want to quit and come home....
• Property Guarded by An Attack Dog Department: You heard it here, first!
  Griggsville police were called to the Shell station to remove a miniature female chichuahua for behaving in a "disorderly manner," by refusing to allow patrons of the station into the men's toilet....
• Sports is the toy department of human life. -- Howard Cosell
• You may possibly have heard about the new TV documentary on animal family planning in East Africa.
  It's called WILD CONDOM....