Related:

• MAGNITUDE, n. Size. Magnitude being purely relative, nothing is large and nothing small.
  If everything in the universe were increased in bulk one thousand diameters nothing would be any larger than it was before, but if one thing remain unchanged all the others would be larger than they had been....
• RIGHT, n. Legitimate authority to be, to do or to have
  as the right to be a king, the right to do one's neighbor, the right to have measles, and the like....
• TIGHTS, n. An habiliment of the stage designed to reinforce the general acclamation of the press agent with a particular publicity.
  Public attention was once somewhat diverted from this garment to Miss Lillian Russell's refusal to wear it, and many were the conjectures as to her motive, the guess of Miss Pauline Hall showing a high order of ingenuity and sustained reflection....
• MOUSE, n. An animal which strews its path with fainting women.
  As in Rome Christians were thrown to the lions, so centuries earlier in Otumwee, the most ancient and famous city of the world, female heretics were thrown to the mice....
• MANES, n. The immortal parts of dead Greeks and Romans.
  They were in a state of dull discomfort until the bodies from which they had exhaled were buried and burned...
• DIARY, n. A daily record of that part of one's life, which he can relate to himself without blushing.
  Hearst kept a diary wherein were writ All that he had of wisdom and of wit....
• UBIQUITY, n. The gift or power of being in all places at one time, but not in all places at all times, which is omnipresence, an attribute of God and the luminiferous ether only.
  This important distinction between ubiquity and omnipresence was not clear to the mediaeval Church and there was much bloodshed about it....
• FORMA PAUPERIS. [Latin] In the character of a poor person -- a method by which a litigant without money for lawyers is considerately permitted to lose his case.
  When Adam long ago in Cupid's awful court (For Cupid ruled ere Adam was invented) Sued for Eve's favor, says an ancient law report, He stood and pleaded unhabilimented....
• RIGHTEOUSNESS, n. A sturdy virtue that was once found among the Pantidoodles inhabiting the lower part of the peninsula of Oque.
  Some feeble attempts were made by returned missionaries to introduce it into several European countries, but it appears to have been imperfectly expounded....