The Basic Menu Item, In Fact The ONLY Menu Item, Would Be A Food Unit Called The "patty," Consisting Of -- This Would Be Guaranteed In Writing -- "100 Percent Animal Matter Of Some Kind.

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The basic menu item, in fact the ONLY menu item, would be a food unit
called the "patty," consisting of -- this would be guaranteed in
writing -- "100 percent animal matter of some kind." All patties would
be heated up and then cooled back down in electronic devices
immediately before serving. The Breakfast Patty would be a patty on a
bun with lettuce, tomato, onion, egg, Ba-Ko-Bits, Cheez Whiz, a Special
Sauce made by pouring ketchup out of a bottle and a little slip of
paper stating: "Inspected by Number 12". The Lunch or Dinner Patty
would be any Breakfast Patties that didn't get sold in the morning.
The Seafood Lover's Patty would be any patties that were starting to
emit a serious aroma. Patties that were too rank even to be Seafood
Lover's Patties would be compressed into wads and sold as "Nuggets."
-- Dave Barry, "'Mister Mediocre' Restaurants"

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