Related:

• You can pick your friends, but not your relatives.
• Contrary to rumor, working side by side with a group of fellow wizards is not the most unpleasant task in which a magician might participate.
  In fact, I can think of numerous other experiences, such as breaking both arms and legs while being pursued by a ravenous demon, which, under certain conditions, could conceivably be even worse....
• What?" you cry. "Wizards sometimes must endure torture?
  And it is true, for being a wizard does not exempt you from any of the trials and tribulations experienced by other humans....
• You think your dirty socks can stop me?! Well, they *are* making me.
  .. dizzy. Ooooohhh.....
• Nothing is quite so unexpected as the truth. If, for example, you find your spells inadequate to defeat the local dragon, immediately go to your employers and apologize profusely.
  They should be so taken aback by your show of humility that you will have plenty of time to hastily vacate the area, allowing the dragon to eat your employers rather than you, and thus halt any ugly rumors they might have spread about your competence....
• Perhaps I have given you the wrong impression. A wizard's life is not all fame, fortune and frivolity.
  There must be periods of rest as well, when a wizard should find a safe retreat where he can seclude himself from sorcery and restore his health and vitality in the proper ascetic atmosphere....
• There is the truth, and there are lies, and there is nothing on Earth or in the Netherhells that does not fall under one of these two headings, with the exception of politics.
  -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Vol. LXXXVIII...
• Religion is a personal matter, and those of us in the sorcerous profession would do well to steer clear of it.
  Still, you will find some situations, say a spell accidentally demolishing someone's holy temple, where you will be given the choice of (1) conversion to their belief, or (2) being sacrificed to their deity....
• Well, see, Joyce, there we were, trapped in the elevator.
  Now, I had my tennis racquet and the goldfish; she was holding the Crisco....