Related:

• The Committee for the Reduction of Redundancy and the Antiproliferation of Repetition has decided not to meet until they have their first meeting and thus will not be meeting until the first time.
  Their Premeeting Statement wanted to make this clear before they had their first meeting, so that it would not be uncertain or confusing....
• It has come to my attention that nothing I never said has caused me any harm.
  When I am gone, you will be sorry you never heard me say what I don't usually....
• Well, he didn't know what to do, so he decided to look at the government, to see what they did, and scale it down and run his life that way.
  -- Laurie Anderso...
• Harry constantly irritated his friends with his eternal optimism.
  No matter how bad the situation, he would always say, "Well, it could have been worse....
• What they said: What they meant: "If you knew this person as well as I know him, you would think as much of him as I do.
  (Or as little, to phrase it slightly more accurately....
• To understand the heart and mind of a person, look not at what he has already achieved, but at what he aspires to do.
• What do you have to say that is worth listening to?
• Humorix Holiday Gift Idea #6 Hearing Un-aid US$129.
  95 at The Fuzzier Projection Co. It's a scene we can all identify with...
• Job Placement, n.: Telling your boss what he can do with your job.