He] Played The King As If Afraid Someone Else Might Play The Ace.

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[He] played the King as if afraid someone else might play the ace.
-- Unattributed review of a performance of King Lear.

My tears stuck in their little ducts, refusing to be jerked.
-- Peter Stack, movie review

His performance is so wooden you want to spray him with Liquid Pledge.
-- John Stark, movie review

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