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• Richard, in being so fierce toward my vampire, you were doing what you wanted to do, even though you thought it was going to hurt somebody else.
  He even told you he'd be hurt if..." "He was going to suck my blood!...
• I'm a vampire, and I've come to suck your blood! [His false fangs fall out and he crashes into the refrigerator] Oh!
  [weakly] This cape is giving me a rash. -- Fearsome Vampire Abe, "Treehouse of Horror IV...
• Q: How much money do you give to a 900 foot Jesus? A: As much as he wants.
• Jesus is coming back, and boy, is he ticked!
• He gave his life for tourism.
• cause they're Vampire Hookers, and blood is not all they suck!
  -- from "Vampire Hookers", (theme song to "Vampire Hookers")...
• A horse is a horse, of course, of course, He follows a lifestyle we don't endorse, He drinks the blood of a sheep, by force, The vampire horse, Count Ed!
  -- Ro...