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• I recently moved into a new apartment, and there was this switch on the wall that didn't do anything.
  So anytime I had nothing to do, I'd just flick that switch up and down....
• I have a switch in my apartment... it doesn't do anything.
  ... Every once in a while, I turn it on and off.......
• I have a switch in my apartment that doesn't do anything.
  Every once in a while I turn it on and off. On and off....
• One day, when I came home from work, I accidently put my car key in the door of my apartment building.
  .. I turned it... and the whole building started up....
• Three fellas up in heaven. St. Peter's interviewing them.
  He says to the first guy, "How did you get up here in heaven?...
• I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
  -- Stephen Wrigh...
• I went to the eye doctor and found out I needed glasses for reading.
  So, I got some flip-up contact lenses. -- Stephen Wrigh...
• I woke up one morning and looked around the room. Something wasn't right.
  I realized that someone had broken in the night before and replaced everything in my apartment with an exact replica....
• I can remember the first time I had to go to sleep.
  Mom said, "Steven, time to go to sleep." I said, "But I don't know how....