Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each
of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians
called it "Christmas" and went to church; the Jews called it "Hanukka" and
went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing
each other on the street would say "Merry Christmas!" or "Happy Hanukka!"
or (to the atheists) "Look out for the wall!"
...
Once you're safely in the mall, you should tie your children to you
with ropes so the other shoppers won't try to buy them. Holiday shoppers
have been whipped into a frenzy by months of holiday advertisements, and
they will buy anything small enough to stuff into a shopping bag. If your
children object to being tied, threaten to take them to see Santa Claus;
that ought to shut them up.
-- Dave Barry
