They [District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there
are two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity:
(1) Go down and raid all the lockers in the local high school and confiscate
53 marijuana cigarettes and put them in a pile and hold a press
conference where you announce that they have a street value of $850
million. These raids never fail, because ALL high schools, including
brand-new, never-used ones, have at least 53 marijuana cigarettes in
the lockers. As far as anyone can tell, the locker factory puts them
there.
(2) Raid an "adult book store" and hold a press conference where you announce
you are charging the owner with 850 counts of being a piece of human
sleaze. This also never fails, because you always get a conviction.
A juror at a pornography trial is not about to state for the record
that he finds nothing obscene about a movie where actors engage in
sexual activities with live snakes and a fire extinguisher. He is
going to convict the bookstore owner, and vote for the death penalty
just to make sure nobody gets the wrong impression.
-- Dave Barry, "Pornography"
If I could read your mind, love,
What a tale your thoughts could tell
Just like a paperback novel,
The kind the drugstore sells,
When you reach the part where the heartaches come,
The hero would be me,
Heroes often fail,
You won't read that book again, because
the ending is just too hard to take....
