Related:

• This sad little lizard told me that he was a brontosaurus on his mother's side.
  I did not laugh; people who boast of ancestry often have little else to sustain them....
• Homer: You did _what_?! Bart: I borrowed your nail clipper.
  What's the big deal? Homer: Nothing. I'm just a little edgy since your mother told me she wants to be a cop....
• ping [from the submariners' term for a sonar pulse] 1.
  . Slang term for a small network message (ICMP ECHO) sent by a computer to check for the presence and alertness of another....
• You have a mongrel perception of humor, nothing more
  a multitude of you possess that. This multitude see the comic side of a thousand low-grade and trivial things -- broad incongruities, mainly...
• I have a friend who just got back from the Soviet Union, and told me the people there are hungry for information about the West.
  He was asked about many things, but I will give you two examples that are very revealing about life in the Soviet Union....
• Lisa: [noticing the cufflinks] Hey Dad, did you forget to give those cufflinks to Hugh?
  Homer: Uh...no. Lisa: Well? Homer: I found them on the nightstand this morning and....
• He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often and loved much
  who has enjoyed the trust of pure women, the respect of intelligent men and the love of little childre...
• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• People who have nothing to say often do and take a good long time doing it.
  People who have something to say, often do not. People who are unsure, often go ahead and say it anyway, thus putting them into the first category....