Related:

• GLUTTON, n. A person who escapes the evils of moderation by committing dyspepsia.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• HEART, n. An automatic, muscular blood-pump. Figuratively
  his useful organ is said to be the esat of emotions and sentiments -- a very pretty fancy which, however, is nothing but a survival of a once universal belief....
• EDUCATION, n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• OBLIVION, n. The state or condition in which the wicked cease from struggling and the dreary are at rest.
  Fame's eternal dumping ground. Cold storage for high hopes....
• Heaven, n.: A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while you expound your own.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• HERMIT, n. A person whose vices and follies are not sociable.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• POLYGAMY, n. A house of atonement, or expiatory chapel, fitted with several stools of repentance, as distinguished from monogamy, which has but one.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...