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• You are only what you are when no one is looking. -- Robert C. Edward
• Looking back, I have only one regret. What's that? I regret I wasn't born with opposable toes.
• You ask whether I have ever been in love: fool as I am, I am not such a fool as that.
  But if one is only to talk from first-hand experience, conversation would be a very poor business....
• Bart: [on walkie talkie] Milhouse! What's seven in roman numerals?
  Milhouse: I'll tell you, Bart, but you really should end each transmission with the word "over"....
• Can you do Addition?" the White Queen asked. "What's one and one and one and one and one and one and one and one and one and one?
  "I don't know," said Alice. "I lost count." "She can't do Addition," the Red Queen interrupted....
• Bob: _That_ was Edna Krabappel. You only get one chance with Edna Krabappel, I hope you're happy.
  Bart: I won't be happy until I find out what you're up to....
• Lisa: I need help, Mom. There's another girl at school who's smarter, younger, and a better sax player than me.
  Ew, I feel so average. Marge: Well, you'll always be number one to me -- Ba...
• I don't exist at the moment, but if you leave your message, name and number, I'll call you back when I am.
  .. (or) I'm only here in spirit at the moment, but if you'll leave your name and number, I will get back to you as soon as I'm here in person....
• one-line fix n. Used (often sarcastically) of a change to a program that is thought to be trivial or insignificant right up to the moment it crashes the system.
  Usually `cured' by another one-line fix. See also I didn't change anything!...