GARDEN
The garden is where all the nasty bugs and insects that you see on
those wildlife documentaries are. A succession of features on
spiders, ants, bees and wasps, all filmed using really expensive
lenses, have left me scared shitless of the slightest bit of
greenery. I've even been giving the plastic Christmas tree some
funny looks. Are those sparkly things meant to be on it? Tinsel,
eh? What genus is that?
I'm not sure why David Attenborough et al are convinced that we
need to see a giant 17 inch Huntsman crawling across our screen to
devour another garden inhabitant. Lucky we haven't got a bigger
telly. And why do those programmes always concentrate on only two
events in the species' day? Humping and eating. Don't they get to
do anything else? Imagine what would happen in a documentary about
humans. All we get to see is your average human eating Maccas,
doing the mating dance in the nightclub, followed by the quick
grope back at his place. It wouldn't exactly cover the full gamut
of human existence, would it?
-- Daniel Bowen's TOXIC CUSTARPEDIA
