Related:

• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• I always will remember -- I was in no mood to trifle
  'Twas a year ago November -- I got down my trusty rifle I went out to shoot some deer And went out to stalk my prey -- On a morning bright and clear....
• Duncan [Phoebe's Husband]: Oh God, I don't know how to tell you this.
  I'm straight. Phoebe: Huuh. Duncan: Yeah, I know, I....
• I hate discount stores. They're all deceptive. The way they advertise is misleading.
  I spotted a sign, three o'clock in the morning. This is what the sign said...
• When my freshman roommate at Cornell found out I was Jewish, she was, at her request, moved to a different room.
  She told me she didn't think she had ever seen a Jew before....
• The other night I was having sex, but the girl hung up on me.
• Alex came home from a business trip to Chicago and found no one home but his daughter Rose, who was crying bitterly.
  "What's the matter, darling?" asked Alex. "Mommy almost died last night," sobbed Rose....
• Burns: Smithers, guess what happened to me last night?
  Smithers: I don't know, sir. You had sex with that old woman?...