Related:

• URBANITY, n. The kind of civility that urban observers ascribe to dwellers in all cities but New York.
  Its commonest expression is heard in the words, "I beg your pardon," and it is not consistent with disregard of the rights of others....
• BODY-SNATCHER, n. A robber of grave-worms. One who supplies the young physicians with that with which the old physicians have supplied the undertaker.
  The hyena. "One night," a doctor said, "last fall, I and my comrades, four in all, When visiting a graveyard stood Within the shadow of a wall....
• One evening Mr. Rudolph Block, of New York, found himself seated at dinner alongside Mr.
  Percival Pollard, the distinguished critic. "Mr. Pollard," said he, "my book, "The Biography of a Dead Cow", is published anonymously, but you can hardly be ignorant of its authorship....
• What Bush REALLY said: "No gnu taxes." How's your gnu?
• MUMMY, n. An ancient Egyptian, formerly in universal use among modern civilized nations as medicine, and now engaged in supplying art with an excellent pigment.
  He is handy, too, in museums in gratifying the vulgar curiosity that serves to distinguish man from the lower animals....
• The honeymooning couple agreed it was a fine day for horseback riding.
  After a mile or so, the bride's mount cantered under a low tree and a branch scraped her forehead lightly....
• FIB, n. A lie that has not cut its teeth. An habitual liar's nearest approach to truth
  he perigee of his eccentric orbit. When David said...
• TABLE D'HOTE, n. A caterer's thrifty concession to the universal passion for irresponsibility.
  Old Paunchinello, freshly wed, Took Madam P....
• BONDSMAN, n. A fool who, having property of his own, undertakes to become responsible for that entrusted to another to a third.
  Philippe of Orleans wishing to appoint one of his favorites, a dissolute nobleman, to a high office, asked him what security he would be able to give....