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• And remember: if you don't like the news, go out and make some of your own.
  -- "Scoop" Nisker, KFOG radio reporter Preposterous Word...
• Homer: So anyway, Lenny and Carl are never around on Wednesdays and they don't tell me where they go.
  It's like a conspiracy. Bart: A conspiracy, eh? You think they might be involved in the Kennedy assassination in some way?...
• You know it's going to be a bad day when: your alarm clock-radio wakes you with the words "One minute to impact.
  -- Ambidextrous Rex (Of course, you won't have to worry about getting up to go to work.)...
• Lisa: Anyway, my point is, the evidence isn't as concrete as it seems.
  Like those fingerprints: they could have gotten on the gun some other way....
• First you go out and buy a stick--it's called a baton--about this long.
  Then you get some music, you get musicians together, you give them this music, you stand in front of them with the stick in your right hand, you go like this, and a mysterious thing happe...
• Why I Can't Go Out With You: I'd LOVE to, but... -- I have to floss my cat.
  -- I've dedicated my life to linguini. -- I need to spend more time with my blender....
• VIRGO (Aug 23 - Sept 22) Learn something new today, like how to spell or how to count to ten without using your fingers.
  Be careful dressing this morning. You may be hit by a car later in the day and you wouldn't want to be taken to the doctor's office in some of that old underwear you own....
• Why is reading a Playboy/Playgirl magazine like reading National Geographic?
  You get to see a lot of great places you'll never get to visit....
• Now Percy, will you get out...before I cut off your head, scoop out the insides.
  ..and give it to your mother as a vase. -- Edmund : Potato...