Related:

• HUMORIST, n. A plague that would have softened down the hoar austerity of Pharaoh's heart and persuaded him to dismiss Israel with his best wishes, cat-quick.
  Lo! the poor humorist, whose tortured mind See jokes in crowds, though still to gloom inclined -- Whose simple appetite, untaught to stray, His brains, renewed by night, consumes by day....
• Pig, n.: An animal (Porcus omnivorous) closely allied to the human race by the splendor and vivacity of its appetite, which, however, is inferior in scope, for it balks at pig.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• FROG, n. A reptile with edible legs. The first mention of frogs in profane literature is in Homer's narrative of the war between them and the mice.
  Skeptical persons have doubted Homer's authorship of the work, but the learned, ingenious and industrious Dr....
• SLANG, n. The grunt of the human hog (_Pignoramus intolerabilis_) with an audible memory.
  The speech of one who utters with his tongue what he thinks with his ear, and feels the pride of a creator in accomplishing the feat of a parrot....
• TENACITY, n. A certain quality of the human hand in its relation to the coin of the realm.
  It attains its highest development in the hand of authority and is considered a serviceable equipment for a career in politics....
• LIVER, n. A large red organ thoughtfully provided by nature to be bilious with.
  The sentiments and emotions which every literary anatomist now knows to haunt the heart were anciently believed to infest the live...
• INTRODUCTION, n. A social ceremony invented by the devil for the gratification of his servants and the plaguing of his enemies.
  The introduction attains its most malevolent development in this century, being, indeed, closely related to our political system....
• OSTRICH, n. A large bird to which (for its sins, doubtless) nature has denied that hinder toe in which so many pious naturalists have seen a conspicuous evidence of design.
  The absence of a good working pair of wings is no defect, for, as has been ingeniously pointed out, the ostrich does not fly....