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• You told me about that yesterday. I know, but I left out a comma. -- Groucho Marx
• Jane and I got mixed up with a television show -- or as we call it back east here
  TV -- a clever contraction derived from the words Terrible Vaudeville....
• Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted. -- Groucho Marx (1890-1977)
• Marge: Homer, do you have an explanation for this bill?
  Homer: Oh, it's that record club. The first nine were only a penny....
• From the moment I picked your book up until I put it down I was convulsed with laughter.
  Some day I intend reading it. -- Groucho Marx, from "The Book of Insul...
• But I guess I'm just stating the very obvious (shutup, Penny, shutup!
  )." -- Penny Priddy in "Buckaroo Banzai...
• In the Plaza Hotel once, when I was doing the quiz show, there was a priest in the elevator.
  I hope you're not offended by this--I'd tell a story about a rabbi but it doesn't fit, and neither did the rabbi and they finally threw him out of the synagogue....
• From the moment I picked your book up until I put it down I was convulsed with laughter.
  Some day I intend reading it. -- "The Book of Insults", Groucho Marx, 1890-1977...