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• Bit off more than my mind could chew, Shower or suicide, what do I do?
  -- Julie Brown, "Will I Make it Through the Eighties?...
• Make it do ... Or do without.
• Okay, blow jobs. Here's the secret: Few people actually enjoy giving blow jobs, as blow jobs are hard, awkward, drool-inducing work.
  Sore jaws and stiff necks are to be expected, and, as incentives go, a mouth full of come at the end of a job well done isn't exactly stock options....
• Well, there were sixty-eight people there, and sixty-two of them had no more desire to throw a stone than you had.
  Satan! Oh, it's true. I know your race. It is made up of sheep....
• behind the closed kitchen door] Jimbo: It's hard for me to clean this giant pot when you keep spilling meat tenderizer all over me.
  [click] Oh, great, now I gotta work in the dark....
• To be, or not to be: that is the question: whether 't is nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing end them?
  To die: to sleep: No more; and by a sleep to say we end the heartache and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to,--'t is a consummation devoutly to be wish'd....
• Homer: Larry, there's only one sure way to make him realize how much he loves you.
  And that is a phony kidnapping. Larry: Yeah, right....
• Deteriorata: Go placidly amid the noise and waste and remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof.
  Avoid quiet and passive persons unless you are in need of sleep....
• Marge: Homer [knocks again] Homer, why aren't you at work?
  Homer: The car won't start. I don't feel very good today....