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• The difference between America and England is, the English think 100 miles is a long distance and the Americans think 100 years is a long time.
• How many Jewish mothers in law -- does it take to change a light bulb?
  (cue typical accent, shoulders hunched...) None! I don't mind sitting here in the dark vilst u goes out enjoying yourselves....
• How many missionaries -- does it take to change a light bulb?
  101. One to change it and 100 to convince everyone else to change light bulbs too....
• How many fish -- does it take to change a light bulb? surrealist.
• How many surrealists -- does it take to change a light bulb? Fish.
• Change your language to Finnish.
• How many Ph.D thesis supervisors (advisors) -- does it take to change a light bulb?
  Only one; but every time they see a light bulb they have an irresistible urge to change it!...
• When I was your age, we had to walk 10 miles to a...
• Every time I find out the meaning of life, they change it.