Troy: Ambassador Henry Mwabwetumba of the Ivory Coast writes, "What
is the real deal with Mr. Burns' assistant Smithers? You know
what I'm talking about." Ha ha ha, of course we do.
[0:13 from 1F01 ("Rosebud")]
Smithers: The preparations for your birthday have begun.
Burns: I won't get what I really want.
Smithers: No one does...
[imagines Mr. Burns, naked, popping out of a cake singing,
"Happy Birthday, Mr. Smithers]
[0:14 from 8F17 ("Dog of Death")]
Smithers: People _like_ dogs, Mr. Burns.
Burns: Nonsense! Dogs are idiots. Think about it, Smithers: if _I_
came into your house and started sniffing at your crotch and
slobbering all over your face, what would you say?
Smithers: [pause] If _you_ did it, Sir?
[0:13 from 1F12 ("Lisa vs. Malibu Stacy")]
Smithers: Here, I'll print you out a copy.
Lisa: Thanks!
[Smithers turns on his computer; a bitmapped Mr. Burns
appears]
Burns: [halting cadence] Hello, Smithers. You're quite good at
turning me on.
Smithers: Um...you probably should ignore that.
[0:19 from 9F05 ("Marge Gets a Job")]
Burns: [sighs] I dreamed about her again last night, Smithers. You
know that dream when you're in bed and they fly in through the
window?
[Smithers imagines Burns doing just that]
Troy: [voiceover] As you can see, the real deal with Waylon Smithers
is that he's Mr. Burns' assistant. He's in his early 40s, is
unmarried, and currently resides in Springfield. Thanks for
writing! We'll be right back.
-- "Skirting" the issue,
"The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular"
